


Table of Contents + Crack

by Phantom_Ice



Series: Phantom's Fire and Ice [1]
Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: (see relationship tag and then character list), Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Disturbing Relationship (you'll know it when you see it), F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Underage, M/M, Memory Alteration, Mind Control, One Shot Collection, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-31
Updated: 2013-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 08:58:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10510518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantom_Ice/pseuds/Phantom_Ice
Summary: Ever wonder what happens to those smart little cartoon characters that become a bit too self-aware? Well, it's about time you found out.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys, I've been writing on fanfiction.net for a while now, and am finally getting around to cross-posting all my stuff here. This particular story is hella old. I normally love constructive criticism... but for this one you're probably better off not even bothering. It's been years. I know the problems. But hey, if you still want to, go ahead. If you notice a consistent problem, point it out. 
> 
> Without further ado...

Welcome to Phantom Ice's new (for now) One Shot Album!

All my one shot ideas were getting out of hand, to the point it would be ridiculous to post them all as their own separate stories, so here we are!

This series of one-shots will include whatever comes to mind and is not limited by rating, genre, pairings, and especially not by cannon. There will be everything from fluff to wonderful angst (the later is likely to get a bit out of hand, and this is my formal apology. Said apology is early, but something tells me I won't be too sorry about it later), and Amethyst Ocean to, perhaps, sprinklings of Pitch Pearl or something of the such. However, Danny centric is a near must, though whether Danny is a ghost, human, dead, alive, a computer program, a girl, a baby, an adult, two separate people, a (nonfemale) clone of himself, or covered in maple syrup is another matter entirely.

Each entry will start with its title, rating, a brief description, characters involved, and any necessary warnings (just so no one gets taken by surprise and feels the need to wash out their brains with soap when they read a pairing that's not their own).

Some of these one-shots might go on to sprout their own stories or themed one-shot albums, but the first installment will always be posted here.

Now, here's a nice little 'Table of Contents', if you will. It's not necessarily in order and will be updated frequently as one-shots hit me, but it least it'll give you a nice idea of what to expect:

 

...:::*:::...

 

Table of Contents

Preview: Of Cartoons and Fanfiction- what happens when Danny starts to notice all the inconsistencies in his life and starts to piece together the truth about the universe he lives in? Rated T for implied themes. (Complete)

1.) Interviews with a Hero- What made Danny Fenton a hero? Was it the portal accident, or something more? Rated K (Complete)

2.) Truth- Original/alternate ending to 'Who I Really Am', takes place during chapter 5: Maddie Fenton will find out what's wrong with her baby boy, even if it means a small invasion of his personal space, but what happens when she is faced with a situation no mother ever wants to experience? Danny has a darker secret than she ever wanted to imagine. Rated T+ (Complete)

3.) Colors- It's a good thing people were so bound by their beliefs: it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, etc., otherwise his eyes, as bright as Fenton as they were as Phantom, would have given him away a long time ago. Rated K (Complete)

4.) Just a Game- Sometimes I wish it could be for me what it is to my enemies. Not a fight, not a problem, not a necessity, not even survival. Nothing but a game, a simple entertaining game. Rated K (Complete)

5.) Fruit Loops- Danny was petrified on the spot, he couldn't move a muscle as the heat rushed to his face. There was a moment of utter and complete silence before... "Daniel, are those... Fruit Loops?" How is he ever going to face the man again after this? Rated K (Complete)

6.) Flames of the Past- My friends think they know all my secrets. They would never guess, couldn't imagine, that I have one they don't. One that dictates my every action, one that would, in my mind, justify anything I did no matter how awful. I don't really care about being a hero or saving lives. I only care about her, and I would sooner watch the world burn than let a single scratch mar her milky skin. Rated more than K, but less than T (Complete)

7.) Freaky- Sam and Danny had been best friends for most of their lives, and she was just about the oddest person Danny knew. Thus, in hindsight, it shouldn't have come as such a surprise to Danny that she was... well, freaky. Rated a little less than T. (Complete)

8.) Stain Removal- Danny is determined to get rid of every little stain, despite what anyone else has to say about it. He won't let his parents stop him, no matter how much they pretend to care. Danny Fenton is determined to be a stain well removed. Rated strong T. (Complete)

9.) Red- Red. The Red is everywhere and everything. It is the coating over his skin and the thoughts in his mind and the foil that wraps around his conscience. Red. Nothing, not happiness and not love, is more important than the Red. Rated a solid M. (Complete)

10.) Two of a Kind- A.U. In which Vlad is just a little bit stronger, though not in the way you might think, and is justly rewarded with the companionship he's always wanted. (No Danny/Vlad). Rated K+. (Complete)

11.) Twisted- A.U He's not sure when the first time was. Honestly, Danny was too young to remember a time when it hadn't been happening. In fact, it took until middle school for him to realize that your parents beating you up wasn't normal and was, in reality, frowned down upon. Vlad is wearing his rose-tinted Maddie glasses and takes a moment to believe it. Rated T (In Progress)

12.) Potential- Dani's back in town five years after Valerie helped rescue her from Plasmius. Val knows the ghost girl has kept in touch with Danny (who she knows is Phantom even if the rest of the world doesn't), but this is the first time she's seen her since. Valerie can't help but notice that she's... grown. Rated K- sorry (In Progress) 

13.) Electricity and Ghosts do Mix...- A.U. He was staring down at his own body, but he wasn't the only one. Tucker, Sam, Jazz, even his parents were all staring at the dead body of Danny Fenton and the white-haired phantom that floated over him. Rated, err, not sure actually, somewhere between K and T, I guess. 

14.) ...Animals and Ghosts, However, don't- It was just a stupid animal. Nothing but a stupid animal, what did it know? But then, why can't he hold back the self-hate and anguish bubbling up because of that small gesture? Rated K (to be written) (P.S. Don't get the title? Refer to the previous one)

15.) Mirror Mirror- When Danny looks at his reflection, ever since the ghost portal accident, all he can see is Phantom. No one but Phantom lives in the mirror. Why can't anyone else see this? Why is he the only one who can see himself for what he has become? Rated K+, maybe higher, depending. (To be written)

16.) Frightmare, Take 2 (story arc 2)- Based on episode 'Frightmare' We know what Danny, Sam, and Tucker dream about, how about everyone else? And, if necessary, how would Danny have woken them up? First up, Jazz. Rated K+, I think. (To be written)

17.) Subtlety- Subtlety has never been one of Danny's strong suits... or so he thinks. What if Danny has as power not even he knows about? Rated K (to be written)

18.) No Subtlety- Anti-'Subtlety' Fic. There is a point where seven a superhero can't catch everyone, and sometimes, their's no miraculous hidden superpower to do it for them. Subtlety really isn't one of Danny's strong suits. Rated little lower than T (to be written)

19.) TBA...

Table of contents subject to change.

...:::*:::...

Now, since you've gone through all this,

'Hows about a quick tutorial?'

Feel free to pick 'how about a quicker 'no',' - (Jack and Jazz Fenton, Episode 'Maternal Instincts')

Here's a nice sample of how these pages will be laid out:

 

Of Cartoons and Fanfiction (~ that's the title)

Rated: T (~ that's the rating)

Genre: Humor/Parody (~ that's the genre)

Characters: Danny, and a bit of pretty much everyone else (~these are the characters)

Summary: Danny starts to notice all the inconsistencies surrounding his life, and starts to piece together the truth about the universe he lives in... (~ this is the summary)

Warnings: Pointless fic is pointless and clique, Hints of every pairing I could fit, enough Danny Phantom fanfiction stereotypes to make my head spin, and a touch of crack. Implied themes of... well, everything, not to mention complete shattering of fourth wall. (~ and these are the warnings)

\--------

It was a month after the accident that Danny first got the feeling. It crawled all over his skin and curled around his insides, causing him to twitch and look around in alarm. He supposed his friends put his jumpiness off to ghost problems, it seemed reasonable... Was it odd that in his life 'ghost problems' now seemed reasonable? Whatever it was, Danny's friends choose not to comment, and one day Danny simply couldn't take it anymore.

"Sam," he said to his best female friend one day, walking home from Casper High after already having dropped off Tucker.

"Ya, Danny?" asked the goth girl, licking her grape flavored lips as she watched the hypnotizing movements of her best friend's own. The way they flowed and angled upwards innocently, his tongue dancing out to wet them every once in a while. She could only imagine how good they would feel against her b– Woah, back up! Sam chided herself, this is Danny, your best friend, remember? I don't want to ruin our friendship, and, as a general rule, you do not go around having those types of fantasies about your best friend! No matter how wonderfully plump his lips are...

"Sam! Did you even hear me?" Danny lightly shoved her shoulder with his own, sending tingles down her spine.

"Huh? Oh, sorry Danny, I must have blanked out, what was that?" She blushed furiously.

"I said, do you ever feel like you're being... Controlled?" He whispered the last part in her ear as if he didn't want the empty street to overhear. Not that she was complaining, not with his hot breath against her ear. Yet, what he said was just so darn strange.

"What? No, of course not, Danny. That's absolutely ridiculous. Now, if you don't mind, I have to go to my room and video chat with you and Tucker, glaring at him every time he makes a comment about our relationship, which, by the way, I deeply wish we had because I'm in love with you. I do this because Supreme Overlord Butch Hartman has ordered it," and with that Sam marched into her house, leaving Danny on the step trying in vain to comprehend her last sentence. The meaning was there, he just couldn't seem to grasp it. With a shrug he gave up and walked home because that is what Supreme Overlord Butch Hartman has commanded of him... wait, what?

Danny didn't bring up the subject again until Sam was sick with the flu, and he battled a ghost out of Tucker.

"Hey, Tuck?" he started as they sat in Sam's. basement, sick with her flu, Tucker fiddling with his PDA.

"Ya Danny?" He answered offhandedly, tongue sticking out in concentration as he stared at the screen.

"Do you ever feel like things are too... coincidental?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" Came Tucker's confused response.

"Well," Danny continued, "Take the past few days, for instance, Sam happened to be sick right when we have to deal with something that really only concerned you and me, I mean, she wouldn't have fit into our little adventure, so it's almost like she was... put to she side for a while, with just enough interaction to make it not obvious,"

Tucker didn't even look up.

"People get sick, Danny, it happens," the dark skinned boy shrugged.

"Right, I know that, but what are the chances my parents would happen to invent something that separates human and ghostly objects, right when we needed it? And how about when we were fighting in the school? There was absolutely no one around, despite it being the middle of the day! How about before that, when we were arguing in that guy's flying car, we nearly crashed into an office building, but were saved because I used my intangibility, but then when we weren't paying attention, we happen to crash into a farm tower filled with hay, I mean, what are the chances we would crash into something that would leave us completely unharmed? Also, hadn't we been flying at like, a twenty story level, and suddenly we crash into the second story of a farm thing? Not only that, but what is a farm even doing that close to a bunch of skyscrapers, honestly?"

Tucker just shrugged, unsure why Danny was getting all worked up over some good luck.

"... and then there's the fact that Desiree appeared now, of all times! I mean she was in that lamp for who knows how long, and happened to be released when she's literally twenty feet from us? I mean what the heck?!..."

Turning to face his friend after having lost his game due to the boy's distracting rambling, Tucker suddenly noticed how nicely Danny would fit into his arms, and how cute his pout was. Weird how he never noticed before.

"Hey, Danny, don't worry about it, man. You're getting yourself worked up over nothing," Tucker assured him. Danny sighed,

"Maybe you're right..." at that moment Tucker accidentally dropped his PDA while staring at Danny's adorableness, and it cracked on the floor.

"Nooooooo!" Tucker sobbed in complete anguish. Then he took a few deep breaths. "Oh well, It's not like Technus won't accidentally fix it right when we need it most when he comes for his completely random and unplanned attack tomorrow... also, Danny, you're hawt," and with this the other boy curled onto his side and fell promptly asleep. Danny stared at him for a second.

"Wait, but..." and then, despite not being the slightest bit tired, sleep overcame him as well.

Next time Danny brought up one of his observations, he was being held up against his locker by Dash. He realized he must be getting desperate if he was willing to seek the jock's help, but oh well.

"Hey, Dash?" He asked as his head was forcibly banged against the metal.

"What, Fent-ol-oser?" The comically larger boy asked.

"Do you ever feel like you can't remember anything except a few hours a day every week or so?"

"What?" The question so surprised the large jock that he set Danny down on his feet. In doing so, Dash realized how small and feminine Danny was. The boy reached only barely past his waist and had a soft face, like a damsel in distress. As if in a trance, the jock moved closer to Danny, pushing him against the lockers. He then carefully lifted his hand and slipped it under the small boy's shirt, rubbing small soothing circles on his waist. No one in the hall so much as glanced their way, as if this behavior was completely normal.

Danny was no exception, he just continued on as if nothing strange at all was going on.

"It's just that, like, I realized I don't know if I have relatives. I mean, I know my mom has a sister, and I have a sister and a mom and dad, but other than that... I mean, do I have cousins- oh, right there Dash, that's nice- Grandparents, any other aunts or uncles?" Danny closed his eyes and leaned back as Dash moved forward and used his free hand to cup the back of the small damsel-like boy's neck.

"Fenton," the boy breathed, "what are you talking about?" He leaned his head forward so that blond hair mixed with black.

"Dash, what are your parents' names?"

Dash's eyes shot open and he stood up straight, however, his hand stayed under Danny's shirt.

"uhhh, my parents... My parents are..." He made this expression like he was trying really hard to think.

"What do they look like? Do you have any siblings?" Danny pressed on as Dash's hands roamed his chest right in the middle of the hallway.

"I..I, I have a younger sister... no, wait, I have an older brother, no, two older brothers... No, actually, I'm an only child... I think..."

"See! See I'm not crazy, I knew it!" Danny pumped his fist in joy. Dash scowled, pulling his hands away from Fenton, he once again lifted the small boy by the collar of his shirt.

"That makes no sense, Fentolina," he sneered, "it's a good thing you and that goth chick are a thing, because no one else would ever like you," he dragged Danny over to an open locker, "now if you don't mind, I'm going to go flip out of existence until I'm needed to further the plot in the next scene," and Dash pushed Danny onto the locker and stormed away.

"Further the scene?" Danny whispered to himself in the darkness, "what does that even-" but he didn't get to ponder it long because suddenly he was falling forward onto the hard ground of the hallway.

"Hey there, Danny," Valerie smiled, holding out her hand to help the boy up.

"Oh, hi Val," he found his way off the floor with a frown. He knew he had just been thinking about something, but what...

"You look worried, are you okay?" Asked the girl as they headed down the hall to class.

"Ya... Hey, Valerie?" Danny just realized something new. "Do you ever feel like you're living the same moments over and over again, like you've already done them a bunch of times?"

"No," the dark skinned girl replied, all the while staring at Danny's sweet yet angular face and tough and soft dark hair. He was so amazing, this boy. Nothing like that evil Phantom who happened to look exactly like him as well as share his name and voice. With a sigh she grabbed onto Danny's hand as they walked, battering her eyelids.

"I mean, I could've sworn we had spirit week, like, a bunch of times already, and a week ago you were part of the popular crowd, and then you weren't, and then you were, and now you aren't again. I feel like we were dating at some point, but that can't be right because Sam and I actually hate you even though Tucker has a crush on you, and..." Danny rambled on, and Valerie hooked her elbow around his, leaning her head on his shoulders. Pushing him to the side, she stood on her toes and placed a sweet kiss right on the edge of his mouth.

"In addition, I know that we were all taken over by that plant ghost, but yet I- I mean Danny Phantom, doesn't have ice powers now, so what..."

Valerie kissed him passionately, full on the lips. Danny continued to try and speak, completely ignorant of the girl pressed against him, even though the sound of his voice was unintelligible. Finally, Val pushed away, suddenly realizing she was really in love with Tucker... or was it Dani Phantom that her heart belonged to?

"Well, bye, Danny. I have to go hunt down Phantom and get chained to him by Skulker. I blame Phantom for ruining my life, but it'll be okay once I will find out 'Phantom' is really your own ghost half when you save the world from that asteroid," and with that the curvy girl sauntered off.

"Okay, by, Val," Danny waved. He stood there alone for a few seconds... "Hey, wait!"

Now Danny was getting desperate, whatever all this was, it was getting out of hand, not only externally, but in his head as well. He couldn't decipher his own thoughts. He was straight, and then he was gay, except he couldn't be gay because he was in love with Sam, no wait, he was in love with Valerie, no, Dash! Wait, if he was in love with Dash he couldn't be straight, except he couldn't be gay for loving a guy, because he was a girl. Right, she was Dannie Fenton, with a brother, Jake Fenton, and her dad Matthew Fenton and mom, Jackalin Fenton... wait, that's not right...

In a huff, Danny flew as fast as he could to a house in Wisconsin. Home of his billionaire archenemy/ adoptive father/ boyfriend Vlad Masters, the only other one like him. The only... Umm, what was it he was again? Half something... Half mermaid, no... Half horse, certainly he was half pony, although there was a distinct possibility he was half angel, or demon...

In a confused trance, Danny walked up to the door and knocked loudly. Soon enough Vlad answered the door, clad in a red silk robe.

"Little Badger, what brings you to my home? If this is another one of your silly hero spiels, I assure you I have been up to nothing of consequence recently–"

"Vlad, do you ever feel like you're being watched?" Danny cut off the older hybrid In a panic.

"Why no, where would you ever get that preposterous idea?" Asked the man, clicking the tv remote behind his back and shutting off TV which was showing the inside of FentonWorks. Looking back at the young hybrid Vlad so wanted as a son, he realized how cute his tiny body was. As if it could break with the smallest of touches, touches he so wanted to give...

"I just feel like everything I do is structured specifically so that it would make sense to someone if they were watching it, and..."

"You must come in, Danny, I'll get us some tea," the older man suggested, stepping aside. Without a thought, Danny walked in and changed back into his human form.

"... but I scoured the house and town and only found your security bugs, and it's not even only when I'm at home..."

Vlad nodded his head in understanding. Casually, he took out a pair of glowing green handcuffs and a matching dog collar. Changing to his ghost form, the older man jumped onto the younger and attached both.

"... It might just be a ghost problem, like, my ghost side, so I came to you..."

The blue skinned ghost changed back to his human form, and taking firm hold of the chain between Danny's wrists, he tugged the boy off the sofa and dragged him to his room, throwing him onto the large plush bed.

"... It's not just one person either, I feel like a bunch of different people are all watching me, and like they all know me as well as I know myself, and..."

Vlad phased the shirt off Danny's body and flipped the boy onto his stomach, clasping the chain onto the bed's headboard. Sitting on him and straddling his hips, Vlad ran a finger down the young one's tantalizing bare back.

"... but why anybody would even be watching me, unless they knew I was Phantom and Fenton, I can't even imagine, and if they did know..."

When Danny woke up the next morning he hurriedly threw on his clothes as Vlad did the same, and padded down the stairs and into the kitchen as of he had done it a thousand times before. Sitting at the table, Vlad reading his newspaper, Danny took a moment to remember what he had been talking about yesterday.

"Well, Dad?" a five-year-old Daniel Master's asked.

"Yes, son," Vlad offhandedly replied.

"You didn't answer my question, do you ever feel like you're being watched?"

"I would hope not, little badger, it could mean the police are watching me and suspect that I kidnapped you from that idiot Jack Fenton when you were just a baby,"

"Well, what if it wasn't the police, do you feel like you're being watched any other time?" A fourteen-year-old Danny Fenton asked.

"Now, Daniel, those sort of feelings are normal for someone in your situation. I understand it's been hard on you ever since your parents, sister, and best friends died, leaving you all alone and in my care, let's go for a walk, my boy," Vlad placed his paper onto the countertop and he and Danny left the kitchen and headed towards the front door. Once there, Danny headed out and turned back around to face the older hybrid.

"So you never feel like you're being watched, Fruitloop?" He asked suspiciously.

"No, never. Now, thank you for stopping by, little badger, but now I must go and monolog all my villainous plots to an inanimate object so that the audience can know what's going on," and Vlad slammed the door in the young halfa's face.

Danny stood on the doorstep, feeling that he should be feeling disgusted and sick and used for some reason, but not sure why. With shrug he turned and took to the air, headed back to Amity Park, Illinois... Or Mississippi... or maybe Amity was in Oklahoma...

The next time Danny's strange feelings were brought up was with his ghost half. He had accidentally flown through the Fenton Ghost Catcher (again) while in the lab, and he figured this was a good time to find out if the problem was related to his ghost half.

"So, you never think that things feel to... simple? Like you can't think past predetermined walls?"

Phantom just buried his head deeper into the crock of Danny's shoulders. The young ghost had his entire body pressing Danny's into the wall and was using his cold gloved hands to explore every nook and cranny of his other half.

"Fenton, you're worrying too much, you need to relax," Phantom advised, phasing off their shirts and throwing them aside. "We were once twins, until I died in that tragic accident. If there really was something going on, don't you think we'd both feel it?" The ghost insisted, cupping Danny's face with his hands and leaning forward so their foreheads touched.

"Maybe, but I'm telling you, Phantom, something strange is going on..." Phantom was getting annoyed with all the talking. That was the problem with his human half, always worrying, and talking... at least he was cute. Phantom smiled as he looked into baby blue eyes and ran a hand through midnight black hair, not to mention Fenton was absolutely adorable when he was worried.

"and I'm telling you, Fenton, it's just stress, but now I'm here to do the ghost fighting for you, alright? Don't worry," Phantom pressed his cold lips against the warm one's of the boy-who-was-somehow-less-experienced-than-him-even -though-they-were-for-all-intents-and purposes-the-same-person, and sighed in bliss before pulling away.

"However, if you think there's something wrong... this might be a job for Super Danny!" He shouted, throwing a bed sheet around his neck.

"Whatever," said Fenton, who suddenly had shaggy hair and was wearing a red hat. "See you later, dude," the human waved as he walked out of the lab. With a shake of his head, Phantom then flew through the ceiling. On the countertop, a lone thermos managed to roll off the table and cried out as it hit the floor. Why was his precious Danny leaving him? Thermos didn't understand, Danny had never left him before. After all, Thermos and Danny were so very in love. At the other side of the room, Ghost Portal chuckled at Thermos's pathetic cries, after all, everyone knew Ghost Zone and Danny were an item.

The next time Danny started to realize something was wrong, he was in the Fenton Family Ghost Assault Vehicle heading home from Wisconsin with Jazz after they had that argument over her helping him in his ghost fights.

"Jazz, you ever feel like everything is too... organized?" He asked cautiously. Jazz gave him a strange look from the driver's seat.

"What do you mean, Danny?" She asked.

"Well, remember how earlier I told you these things have a pattern? 'Ghost attacks, I kick ghost butt, and we go home having learned a valuable lesson about friendship or some other such nonsense?',"

"Yes, I still have my notes somewhere around here..."

"Well, I wasn't kidding. It's actually more like ghost attacks, ghost kicks my butt, I learn valuable lesson in order to defeat ghost, and I defeat ghost, but that's the general idea. The point is, it's almost an exact science, the way that works out. Like we're in some sort of... some sort of..." Danny's face scrunched together in effort. "See, this is the problem!" He yelled in exasperation. "I just can't figure it out! All the pieces are there, and I've gotten plenty of clues from everyone, but I can't seem to process them! It's like the words mean nothing to me!"

"I'm sure it's nothing Danny, now, tell me, do you love your big sister?" Jazz asked with fake innocence, giving Danny a sultry gaze.

"What? I–"

Jazz jumped out of the car, and Danny looked out the window to see they were parked right in front of Fentonworks.

"How did we get here so fast. We were in Wis–"

"Sorry, Danny," Jazz interrupted him, looking at her watch, "Family bonding time is over in this episode. I'll go get Dad for some comic relief," and which that she was gone.

Danny blinked a few times. Comic relief?

The final time it was all brought up was during a ghost fight.

"Take that, Dipstick!" shouted Ember. Danny should have dodged the shot easily but was thinking about a conversation he just had with Paulina.

"Hi, ghost boy! I'm so happy you're here! You're my hero!"

"Thank you, citizen, but I must be getting back t–"

"I'm also leaving you for Danny Fenton, I'm sorry, but he's just captured my heart,"

"That's nice but– wait, what?" But by the time Danny had turned back to her, she was in her house and the ghosts had found him.

"Ember!" Danny shouted, and the rocker ghost stopped.

"What do you want, pipsqueak?" She asked, just noticing how hot Phantom was. He had a nice face and defined muscles that were easily visible through his skintight jumpsuit. His flowing white hair was divine, and his electrifying green eyes were like beckons searching into her. She drifted forward in the air to get a better look.

"You ever notice how weird time moves?" He asked, looking nervous for a reason Ember couldn't fathom. She moved closer to the ghost boy and pressed her voluptuous body against his lean one. His icy skin sent electrifying tingles through her own burning hot core.

"What are you talking about?" She questioned with a moan of content as she started to rub herself against him.

"It's just that, well, how long have we been fighting?" He asked her seriously.

"I don't know, A few hours, I guess," she shrugged, hooking one leg around his waist.

"I know, that's what it feels like, but honestly, can you recall anything more than a few minutes of that fight?" He questioned, still looking nervous. Ember opened her mouth, but then closed it with nothing to say. Danny noticed her reluctance, "Exactly!" He shouted out, "but that's not all! Do you notice how time just skips around? Like, do you actually remember waking up this morning, because I sure don't! In fact, I could've sworn I was just in last period, but the only thing I remember before that is walking to school! Next thing I know I'm in the Nasty Burger, and then here I am fighting you, I mean, how did this fight even start?!" Danny was starting to get panicky. Waving his hands around and pacing in mid air as best he could with the scantily clad rock star hanging on him like a scarf. Ember just shrugged as she let go and grabbed her guitar from where it floated in mid-air.

"Whatever, Phantom, you're obviously dealing with a case of crazies, so I'm just going to go back to the GZ, for now. See you in a few minutes for our fight tomorrow," and with that, she was gone.

"Huh?!" Danny exclaimed, throwing his hands out at the nonsense of the statement. Lowering himself onto the ground, Danny switched back to his human form. He didn't even bother checking for bystanders, because he knew that, despite his chat with Vlad about someone watching them, his talk with Tucker about coincidences proved no one would see unless they needed to. Walking down the sidewalk Danny wanted to pass his hand through his hair in exasperation, but because of the subject matter of his talk with Sam about being controlled, he instead rubbed the back of his neck. Then again, maybe it was a good thing he was being controlled because if his talk with Dash proved anything, it was that he didn't even know exactly where his house was. Not that it mattered since, according to the time he spent with Val, he would eventually find himself back in his house, yesterday morning. With a sigh, Danny concentrated on his chat with Jazz about how organized everything was. He had been close then, but, because of he and Phantom's conversation about being unable to think more than two-dimensionally, he couldn't grasp it. Yet, he had been about to say something before Jazz interrupted. Something about how the weird way his life was structured was almost like some sort of... Some sort of...

"Cartoon!" Danns suddenly shouted out, stopping in his tracks. "It's like some sort of cartoon!" He exclaimed as suddenly all the pieces fell together. "That's why time passes like this, and I'm being watched, and controlled, it's all a cartoon! A cartoon that people, apparently, like to write stories about or something... Suffering Spooks, I'm in a cartoon!" In a panic, Danny jumped into the air and flew around Amity Park to see if he could see anything beyond. Except for the edge of Elmerton, there was nothing but fuzzy grayness. "I have to tell everyone!" Danny decided, but before he could speed on home, he suddenly fell out of the sky, completely unharmed, but also, he discovered, powerless.

He climbed to his knees and found himself in front of a tall man with wavy black hair, a square chin, and brown eyes. The man looked so... Multi-dimensional, Danny realized.

"What's happening?... And was everyone hitting on me today or was that just me?" the young cartoon character asked, suddenly remembering all the kisses and strokes and... ewww. The man shook his head sadly,

"You know too much," and everything went dark.

When Danny woke up he was tied to a chair in a dark room. He could just make out in the middle a man with a large flat green hat wearing old fashioned green clothing. In-between he and Danny lay a track, as if for a model train. On the track sat a single lit lamp.

"What's going on?" Danny questioned. The man did not answer, instead, the lantern started to move, circling the man and passing in front of Danny every few seconds.

"You are not a cartoon character. All is right in your world," the man said. Danny gave him and incredulous look.

"What are you talking about! I am a ca–" suddenly Danny found himself unable to talk. He began to thrash in his chair.

"Calm down, we just gave your voice actor a short break. Not that you have a voice actor, because your life is not a cartoon," the lamp started to spin faster and faster, and the man's voice, slowly soothing all of Danny's worries, began to slowly put him to sleep.

I am not a cartoon.

All is right in my universe.

I am not a cartoon.

When Danny regained consciousness the next day, he was sitting at a school desk with Sam and Tucker on either side of him. He didn't question it. When he suddenly found himself walking home from school, and then at home all within the next two minutes, he didn't question it. When the Fenton Thermos, which he had not had anywhere on his person, suddenly appeared in his hand right when he needed it, he did not question it. Not even when he learned a valuable lesson about doing the right thing after being defeated by a ghost did he question anything. When he stubbed his toe and he couldn't seem to think up a single curse word, he didn't question it. When he felt the prickling of a thousand eyes on the back of his neck, he didn't question it. When he couldn't remember ever having learned his own phone number, he didn't question it, and when his fingers typed it in of their own accord, he still didn't question a thing.

Finally, when he saved the world from the Disastroid, though he was sure he had done it before, he did not question it. He questioned not a thing, not even when, after flying into the sunset, he found himself back in his basement with Sam and Tucker next to him while his dad droned on about never having seen a ghost.

\------

A/N: Okay, so maybe I got a little carried away there, and I feel like I crossed some invisible lines at some points (not to mention completely shattering fourth wall), but at least now we know what happens to poor cartoon characters like Danny who get too smart for their own good... They get brainwashed by the Dai Li from 'Avatar: The Last Airbender'! This is what I have decided, and no one will convince me otherwise. ;-)

(~ that was the story and Author's note)

And after reading all that, you would then proceed to (optimally) review and move on to the next one!

...:::*:::...

Anyway, that's all for this one shot album introduction. Hope you enjoyed the preview! See you next time on Phantom Ice's One Shot Album: 'Phantom Fire & Ice'.

Hope you're as excited as I am! See you soon!


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